When I first saw Jessica Simpson in the Dukes of Hazzard, I could barely believe how great she looked. The golden hair, the megawatt smile, the killer midriff, and…perfect butt? Hold on—Jessica’s bootie didn’t look like that on Newlyweds! What was the secret to her suddenly shapely backside? (And I’m not buying all that “I exercised nonstop” celebrity drivel.) I was almost convinced that Simpson had procured Beyoncé’s butt via some Invasion of the Body Snatchers-style move, until I stumbled upon the answer: Jessica was donning the padded pantie.

That’s right, you too can have a perfectly junked trunk that will make boys’ heads turn from three blocks away—and inspire the envy of all your friends. The popular Better Bottomed Padded Panty version from LoveFifi Lingerie ($18; amazon.com) looks as if it could even protect its wearer from gluteal injuries (I’ll bet you never thought of that). And if you’re worried about whether the augmenting undergarment could be construed as “false advertising,” it’s really nothing more than a padded bra for your butt. So there. I say, pass the panties! —Brooke Kelley